Am I a bad person?

I just wrote a post. When I got done, all I could think was that I was a horrible human being and that I'm an ungrateful pile of crap. Needless to say. I didn't publish it.

It's just that, I'm having a hard time being content with my life. Of course, like all crappy situations, it started with a girl. I really like this girl. She's fun to be around, she's cute, and she's got an awesome heart. I hang out with this girl a lot, and it's really great. Yet, I'm pretty sure she's starting to be interested in another guy. The only problem is that this is guy is one of my close friends. I know--not that big of a deal. It's just that I already struggle being jealous of this guy. Trying not to give his identity away--he's another musician that I'm good friends with. I'm already jealous of this guy's songwriting abilities. Let's be honest, he's better looking than me too. Anyway, I'm pretty sure she likes him--or at least finds him attractive. It's just hard, because it makes me even more jealous.

Days ago, I was ready to throw it all on the line and ask this girl on a date. I was confident; I totally believed in myself. Now...I just feel like I always feel. Not good enough.

Am I a bad person for feeling this way? Am I ungrateful? God's given me musical talent, but I'm jealous of this guy's musical talent. God's given me something to offer women (I hope), but I feel like I don't stand a chance like other guys. Why is it so hard to be content? Sometimes, I feel like I'm not asking for much, but I'm getting even less.

I know. I shouldn't need anything but God. He's enough to fill every void. Sometimes it's just hard to feel that way. It's hard to watch your friends get married or fall in love and not feel alone in your singleness. It's hard to watch other people get patted on the back and lauded as a musician and not feel insufficient as a struggling artist. God, where are you now?