Here's a poem that I've been working on for a couple of weeks. It's pretty cynical and completely sarcastic. If you're a Republican, you'll probably hate it. Just a short warning, I'm not even going to dignify or respond to any sort of ideological rebuttal on the comments. I might read them, but I won't care. If you don't agree, stop reading and keep your lips sealed. If you hate the poem for strictly poetic reasons, feel free to share. Also, if you have any stylistic suggestions, I'd love to hear them. I've though pretty hard about the punctuation in this, so I would love to know what you (avid poetry reader) think about the punctuation. Well, now that I've said way too much about the poem, here it is:
If Jerry Falwell Were King...
We could all sing songs of praise,
For there would be no more gays--
To mock us in contempt or spite,
With pleas for marriage or for rights--
if Jerry Falwell were King.
And no children would die by operation;
They'd all die from the starvation
Capitalists inact upon the poor--
Which we would try to help no more
if Jerry Falwell were King.
We'd have no need for war again:
We'd make the whole world American--
With hands on hearts they'd stand to praise
Truth, Justice, and the American Way--
if Jerry Falwell were King.
But we could finally live in peace--
Enforced by the Religious Police.
We'd have no more need for Jesus--
By law, we would all be sinless--
if Jerry Falwell were King.
(2/14/07 to 2/27/02)
About the Author:
- James Miller
- Fayetteville, Arkansas, United States
- I'm taking my first steps in a journey to the real world. I'm prepping for a move to Austin, TX--where I'll seek to fulfill my musical dreams while living the life of a modern twenty-something.
2 comments:
Overall, I like it James. I think you're punctuation works well. I have a couple of metrical suggestions. In Line 2, I would compact "For there would be" to "For there'd be," creating a pure iambic line with stresses on "there'd," "no," and "gays." Similarly, in the second to last line, you could reword it to something like "By law, we'd each be sinless," again creating a pure iambic line (with a feminine ~-~ last foot) with three beats. The more you can keep it in iambs the better; it's quicker and punchier that way.
Thanks for the input John. There's a good chance that I'm going to use your suggestions (or something like them). I'm pretty much terrible when it comes to meter, so the more help the better.
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