Passion '06 - Weeping in the Presence of Glory

Wednesday Night. Louie is teaching us some of the finer points of astronomy. "Man, he knows a lot about astronomy," I think to myself. I began to make my own conclusions from this. It took this one picture below and I felt tears in my eyes.


Composite of pictures by Voyager from just past Pluto.

Now, what about this grainy, cruddy picture could ever drive me to tears? Look at the stripe on the right. Those stripes are the reflections caused by solar rays at the edge of the universe--beams of light from the sun. Look at the yellow one on the right. See that dot? It's right in the middle of that yellow stripe. A bright white dot. That's earth from the edge of the solar system. A dot. It's a crumb in the universe. It's a speck of dust and dirt stuck in orbit around a star that sits on the outer edge of it's galaxy--which is just one of thousands of galaxies. What's my point?

My point is this--God created all of that. The earth, the Sun, the Milky Way, the Universe, and all the vast emptiness that fills it. All that vastness was created by God and held together by Him alone. What about that moved me to tears? Probably the part where I was faced with the reality of how big God is. He is huge!! Who am I? I am absolutely tiny. I never have felt tinier than at that moment. I'm just one of billions who currently roam the earth--which is that tiny speck of dust. How could I have ever thought that it was all about me? How could I think I deserve any glory or even an ounce of praise? What have I done? What I have I created that could rival the heavens? For that matter, what have I created that could rival that tiny speck of dirty we call Earth? Nothing.

It was this moment that I shed the first tear. No blubbering. No weeping. Just a tear as my mind began to wrap around the grandness of the Glorious One. Feeling small in the shadow of His glory.

Fast forward half a day. It's the final session of Passion '06. Louie talks about living for God's glory whether you're a missionary or a designer jeans maker--to strive to be the best we can be at what we do and to be a part of what God is doing in the world. He ends the talk with a charge to go back to our campuses and live for God. Tomlin sings "How Great is Our God" while a list of the 1000 schools represented at Passion scrolls down the screen. The idea? Sing this song over our schools as a prayer that God would reveal His glory to our schools--beautiful. I realize that most people at the University of Arkansas claim to know and believe in God--but they don't recogize how huge he is. In fact, they see him as that tiny voice in their head that makes them feel bad about their sins. How do I know this? Because, I've been living that way for the past few months.

As we continued to lift up songs as worship, something beautiful was done. A large banner was raised around the stage revealing the word "Glorious"--virtually forcing one to think on God's glory. What I like most about this is that it covered up Tomlin, Crowder, Hall, Redman, and Louie. It's not about those guys--and it was a great symbol of why we were celebrating. We sang about the Glory of God. It was an emotional time--the end of an amazing week. There I stood, in a row with 6 men who I greatly respect, worshipping my God--our God. Still, I felt so small--so insignificant. God is huge. God is great. I am nothing. It's a great attitude--but it isn't very comforting. That's when it came. Crowder finished the week with his song "Come and Listen" done with just an acoustic guitar--the same way the week began.

"Come and listen
Come to the water's edge
All you who are thirtsy come

Let me tell you what He has done for me
Let me tell you what He has done for me
He has done for you
He has done for us."

God is huge. We are small. Yet, a God who is so large that He created the entire vastness of the universe with a word and holds it together with a word has done so much for you and I. He made himself a lowly man--a servant of men. He died a painful death. He made us His bride and Him our Bridegroom--and He never ceased to forgive us for all the times we ran to other lovers. He has done for me. He has done for you. He has done for us. He is glorious, He is infinite, and He is enormous--but he cares about me. He can call me by name, tell me what I'm most passionate about, and even tell me the number of hairs on my head. He threw a party in Heaven with the angels the day I first acknowledged that Christ Jesus is Lord.

There it was. Faced with that truth--that a God who is so glorious can be so passionate about a James who is so small--the floodgates opened up. Dignity went out the window. I blubbered. I weeped. I fell to my knees, and I cried the most joyful tears I have cried in a long long time. The last time I remember crying like that was that summer after my freshman year at JBU. I had wasted a year being lukewarm, living a life without purpose, and failing to be passionate for my God. I had held back so much of my life for myself. As I sang the song "Take My Life" at The Grove, I weeped in the realization at who I was. This time was different, because I weeped in the realization of who He is.